Gearing up for 2013

Hard to believe 2013 is upon us.  I must admit I am struggling as is Ken.  It seems we take 2 steps forward and 20 back.  The TPI's (TPI's)  he's gotten down here aren't doing much good.  It "worked for awhile" seems to be the mantra.  The same mantra he's gotten from 5-6 things he's tried.  Now I think he's at the point of don't attempt anything because getting the pain level down to a 3 or 4 then sending it gradually back to level 8-9 just sucks!  He doesn't complain but I can tell it is wearing on him.  He's going to check into bumping up the happy pills - yet again.  From my reading he's got about 3 more bumps with this drug.  Adding another drug at this point becomes a veritable mine field.  He is already juggling a circus act of drugs.  We have FINALLY gotten - but will it interact with epilepsy? - down pat when a doc says "I want to try..."  Nerve pain drugs are most often antiseizure drugs.  So I'm doing research about Botox.  Dr. Santiago mentioned it this summer and as Ken is covered with NM insurance we will look into it down here.  The TorC doc has a specific pain management doc in Cruces he wants Ken to go to.  Ken is going to be a hard sell for it - he is really gun shy after how bad the radio-frequency denervation backfired.  It was supposed to last "for 1-3 years" with little side effect.  Well what they fail to mention that nerves grow and find a path to regenerate and in Ken's case made the small spot grow from a few dollar size places to a spot the size of a large fist that generates pain 24/7/365.
If you haven't experienced it pain just sucks the body dry of patience, mental health and stamina.  I tell folks to fill a glass half full of water then hold it out in front of you - keep it there - 24/7/365 - it has the capacity to eventually crush you.  I lived in a migraine induced level 7-9 pain for several years.  Then we got insurance and I found out the root of my migraines and they ceased.  They came back in '03 with a vengeance and I swear I couldn't handle a 3 let alone what I used to live with.  Ken is at that point - better to figure out a way to live with it than the up down way that flattens one.
Just rambling but have found putting it in black/white helps ME - the caregiver.  Not that I do much caregiving but whatever.  So the question is: Is Botox for Ken? I still have that question even after reading medpain.com  A side effect of this journey is one gains the inability to put up with whining, poormeitis, etc.  We both come from a suck it up Buckwheat mentaility and try not to inflict our misery on others.  It often not a two-way street.
Enough - enough - enough - enough!

 SOOOOO we had a good Christmas Dinner at the clubhouse, playing cards afterwards.  Of course sista Deb gave us some good laughs - but they can't be a good as these picture show Carol and Deb in hysteria.  Blurry and all they are the best-----  Carol's look is priceless!  So glad they part of our lives.  Of course Bill - he's not too sure - - - - What brought on the hysteria? A kissing, wriggling fish!  I love these guys down here!!



Merry Christmas New Mexico style!

Well it appears that Ken and I going to Walmart and standing line on Thanksgiving Evening was certainly a hit!  KaCe (headphones), Ethan (always moving) and Aedan - MY puter won't TALK to me like theirs!  So glad for Skype!!  Except we need to Skype during an Aedan nap sometime.  :)  He  likes to see us up close which blocks out the camera to see anything else except his forehead and hair.  And his vocabulary is limited still to hi, lala (Wiley), dadadadad (grandad) and no.
SPIT!!!!!^&*#@*&$#^(*#!*Q$@* I REALLY hate it won't KEEP the ORIENTATION!! *()^(&%*^%$$##@#@

When we went on the ladies shopping/gambling/shopping retreat I decided I'd do teacup nightlights this year.  (And am in trouble for not doing calendars - obviously that will be a Dec 13 project)  so we drilled, dremeled, glued,, dremeled, laughed and got them done.  I decided to keep one for me.  A very small petite one.  I even did bottle ones for the guys.  Except for Kevin - HE got a redneck wineglass!!  heheheheh!  Hey!  He's FIFTY - 50 and needs a little razzing!

I beaded my little fingers to the bone but sent a healthy sampling north. AND already have next Christmas's addon gift idea ready to go.  It will take me all year to get enough - besides it and SW will keep me out of jail, my head won and hopefully my mouth SHUT!!

And so another Sunday in NM.  Ken is peacefully sleeping - it's the ONLY time he's out of pain and I am getting ready to BEAD.  What else.  Oh but :) I finally figured out my boombox was dead and buried it. Borrowed a real one from Wyn/Ki as well as the proper plug in (Thank you very much Ki.) and am converting 43 books on cassette to my computer with my Easy peasy vhs, cassette to computer/dvd converter .
Again, thanks Ki.

So yes, I am multitasking - SCARY.

Bingo, Lunches and Popcornn

Bingo is an EXCITING way to spend an evening.  Well "evening" is misdirection as we are done with "evening" about 8 pm every night.  Notice how the body language emotes excitement?  "Absolutely no one is leaning on their chins or elbows stifling yawns here".  Riigghht!  Love them all anyway.  At Cedar Cove THEY (not me) play a very high stakes and complicated sequence of bingo.  It's $.10/card and the winner gets to pick the game.  L's, T's, stamps are some of the popular ones.  Ken and I went up one night shortly after we decided we would indeed live after 10 days of having several variations of the crud.  Linda promised we'd play Golf after Bingo so we went up.  Dennis and Sharon from MN were here for awhile and she called as Wyn experienced the crud and stayed home.

This night was supposed to be our White Elephant Party but there were still too many folks ill.

The next day the women went out for lunch at Pacific Grill - a great Asian place.  (Keeping up with who is closed on what day is almost a full time job here in NM.)

Martha (CO) on end, Carol (NH/PA), Charlene (NH), Debbie (CO), Carol (SD), Maurene (NE),

Rita (CO), Billie (TX), Mary (AR??), Martha, (KS).

Gaye (NM), yours truly and Kathy (MN).  I haven't been to one of these before as last year I seemed to be headed Cruces way or wanting to rest.    Wyn and I put a lot of miles on last year helping Sharon the best quality of life she possibly could.  It was all worth it.  Many happy memories made.

And then there is the Legion.  Wyoming George, Clay, Newell, Kathy/Doug, Maurene/Bill and Ki are all members and they graciously sign us in as guests.   They have a new cook with new ideas which we have all been taken with.  Wednesday night she (Elaine) does her own thing and has salad and soup for the light (or sharing) folks.  Thursday is margarita day and pool day for us CC folks.  We haven't been in awhile thanks to the crud epidemic.  So I met Dave, George & Deb for pool.  A side benefit to pool is the consumption of roughage.  Notice how everyone has their OWN popcorn?  And how George uses his hat to stay incognito?  Well I have a new paint program so will fix a face for him one of these days.   And thus the first 20 days of December passed fairly remarkably.  And Friday is shrimp/wings/rings/soup/salad (take your pick or have it all).  We usually go Fri with Clay.  It gets us out of the house and we get to come home smelling like smoke.

330,912,000 seconds and counting...................

or 10 years, 5 months, and 24 days but who's counting?   The Voice began their Finale show with a tribute to the 26 beautiful souls that perished last week in Sandy Hook.  My heart once again broke  as I flashed back to several choppy scenes from 10 years+ ago.  Standing in the middle of the highway  praying an oil truck would just mow me down.  Me - the Responsible One just wanted out, gone, finished. That wasn't to be.  Knowing deep in my heart the news would not be good from the brain probe inserted into K.C.'s head looking for activity wouldn't be good. Looking down on my 5'5" niece and thinking how is that possible the Surbuban is shorter than Ronita?   Wondering how Whitney and I would cope if the ultimate happened and we lost both Dad and brother?  My brain just kept shorting out. Jumping from one jumble to another.  It finally boiled down to just living one second at a time.  I remember sitting outside the counselor's office looking blankly at the intake paper I was supposed to fill out.   How could I manage to go on when I couldn't even comprehend the black and white scribbles before me? HOW do I use a pen? If the phone rings one more time I'm taking a hammer to it.  (Kevin/Ronnie finally began screening the calls.  I pray people are doing that in Sandy Hook.)    Taking the responsibility on my own to make something positive occur by using Organ Donation for K.C.  Later they found Ken's wallet and thankfully he had checked Organ Donation on his license.  Having such disjointed thoughts spew from my mouth which really worried them about my mental state.  I didn't have a mental state.  If he lived I knew life would be a big struggle for awhile and that was just one we didn't have to have.  In a 96 hour period we were all reeling from losing our Mom-Grandma-Ggm and Ggma as well as a son-brother-nephew-cousin.Me?? I have to tighten the SCREWS into his HEAD - no way, no way, no way.  Yet there WAS a way.  Buck up girl and find a way.  I did.

How selfish I was.  Life was about to get real bad for many people. There really is so much pain other's have that was/is worse than mine.  Mine is heart pain - Ken's is not only heart pain but physical pain that just keeps rolling on and on and on............ A small reprieve here and there.  Our comfort (one sided though it it) was that it was an ACCIDENT.  That's why they call it that.  It sure as the devil wasn't an On Purpose.  

Yet now 10+years later parents of First Graders are trying to cope with just that - an On Purpose.  My heart isn't hemorrhaging  pain for me/us but for those parents, siblings, gparents, aunt, uncles cousins and neighbors.  The road they have begun to walk is so fraught with holes, boulders and quagmires and many, many landmines.  Things, ideas and happenings they couldn't in their wildest imaginings come up with will happen.  The grief cycle is an individual one - each going their own way - trying to cope with each day. Take 7000 pieces of 8" string and put them into 2 balls.  The same string won't come out of both balls at the same time.  Grief is like that.  One string may come partly out then get stuck and you pull on another.  Sometime you'll go back and pick up the stuck one and attempt it again.   One can't dictate how another will grieve. The strain on the marriages and family life could become unbearable and statistically some won't survive.  

I SO pray the town get good counseling - from folks that "get it".  I pray the senseless words freeze up in people throats and WON'T sally forth: "It's so good you have others to love" (like I can't still love ALL of them!); "Maybe you can have another to take his/her place.";  "Don't you think it's time to move on?" (YOU move on stupid - and stay out of their faces); "You're dwelling on it too much - you need to think of something else" (like I CAN you twit) and the folks that come to show sympathy when in actuality they just want the inside scoop. Yes, there are real stupid people out there that don't know when to superglue their lips shut and being able to only do good things - a pat on the shoulder, a hug or "Thinking about you".     Just wanting to talk and talk and talk - please let someone be there for each of them - a nonjudgmental someone.  If it makes you uncomfortable get out or deal with it.  I remember seeing on folks faces they didn't really want to listen because it made them think about the own/children's mortality?  Possibly.  

And it's not just the relatives - it's the entire community.  I pray for serenity for ALL of them.  Frustration and tempers - however inadvertent - will fray.  This isn't something they will all miraculously come to grips with in 8 days, 6 hours, 12 minutes and 43 seconds.  I remember Ken coming home and saying one of his fellow rehabers was 10 years out and still not back to par.  We looked at one another and both thought - Nahhh, it won't take that long for US.  We're different.  A few years later I, too, pulled the "it'll take years card" for a couple and those two also had the Nahhh, not us, we're different.  They weren't aren't.  Well we are all wrong.  330,958,200 seconds and counting and we STILL get blindsided.

Those 26 are quite alright  it's the folks down here that need so much: love, patience, acceptance, understanding.  THEY, are trying to cope with an ON PURPOSE!  Peace be with them all! And may the media chill out and let them alone.      

BUT - they are ALL okay - K.C. promised us that - may they all have a parent's comfort.

                                                                            And finally.......      Hallelujuh!

Catching White Elephants

Most of us finally got healthy enough to catch the White Elephants so Tuesday we had our party.  We also celebrated birthdays and of course they had me sing the Aches and Pains Birthday Lament.  Poor Ray I made him read my lips and sang to him anyway.

And Mary had her own verse also.  Then we had a little surprise.  We had been trying to get Linda/Randy; Dave/Debbie and Bob/Martha in the same place at the same time and wala!  it happened.  (Fortunately the cake lasted until we all healed.)  Happy Anniversary to them - 50 for Randy/Linda!!! 25 for Dave/Debbie!!! and 29 for Bob/Martha!!  Linda made each a photo collage. And Linda/Maurene made each their own teacup nightlight.  We make up our own fun.  OK Let's get down to eating and catching the elephants.

What would we do without Debbie?????

While we were finishing Santa's Elf Lloyd did creative numbering for the exchange.  We do the Chinese Auction.  Here he harasses his wife Billie.  NOT that she takes it much.

A newbie this year was Rita and right off the bat she got Ordway's Own Chicken Lips in her bag. I think she was a little shocked.  Imagine that.

Yes, she did get something else.  A Swedish Weave laprobe.  Wonder who made that?????

Oh look Dave got an original NM SUV.

Wyn is opening alot of gifts also.  She just isn't keeping them.

Oh my - look at that.  Bill got Ordway's Own Fish Assholes.  This label will shortly be changed to Farnham Fairly Fresh Fish Assholes. Both are still trademarks of Butts' Enterprises.  (Ken finally got his brain working AFTER the fact.)









Well - so thankful Ken got a calendar.  SOMEONE I know (me) didn't do them this year.  I have gotten a LOT of slack about that so calendars are back on for 2014.

People just keep liking Rita's gifts and she just keeps coming back to get more.

And then there's Ray.  Everyone wants to help Ray get into his............he isn't thrilled with that prospect.

But Mary persists ....... YES it a kite!
NO wait!!  It's not a kite.  Man does it have a LOT of tape on it.  Mary helps again.

You've GOT to be kidding.  I got the paper off to be faced with the nylon holder.  Ray is muttering now.  No NOT a kite - a fishing pole.

Yes, dear.  I'm SURE it a fishing pole!  Jan has spent years double checking facts.  :)

Yes, Roger I do believe it is a serape  and I think you won't keep it long.

  Told 'ya.  What's in this gift?

An 18v drill.  Nah!
Ki - it's going to get snatched.

Yup - Martha likes it.

What's next.?Ahhhh PINK tools!!  Awesome!

Ok when Gary gets done we can get down to some serious cards!!  Happy White Elephant.  But 'ya know we have got to get ONE white elephant someday.

Deal'em Kathy!