The Canalith Repositioning Procedure (CRP)

In Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo (BPPV) dizziness is generally thought to be due to debris which has collected within a part of the inner ear.  This debris can be thought of  as "ear rocks", although the formal name is "otoconia". Ear rocks are small crystals of calcium carbonate derived from a structure in the ear called the "utricle".    One of the procedures to help one cope with BPPV is the Canalith repositioning procedure.  It involves sequential movement of the head into four positions, staying in each position for roughly 30 seconds.  http://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/bppv/bppv.html

Has  a nice ring doesn't it?  Canalith.         repositioning.       procedure. (CRP) Nice, quiet, civilized non threatening procedure.  WRONG.  Remember back to your youth when you went to the carnival and your stomach was strong enough to handle MOST anything?  There was the hammer and the teacup things which took you in circles while taking you in circles a different direction and the roller coaster. Pretend you've been in each of those (at the same time) for about an hour.  When you get out someone puts you up on a table and pulls you to the end of it facing away.  Then he grabs your face and cranks it up and back over your shoulder says I won't let you fall and BOOM! drops you back with your head hanging off the table and says, "We'll hold it here for 30 seconds."  My life became two things: twirlin' and hurlin'.  About then I realized the "for 30 seconds" part. PANIC!!  He flings you up into a sitting position cranks your head to the right and back over your shoulder saying something like...."head in proportion.......shoulder.........perpendicular..........don't roll.....fall on.......floor" then, "here we go; open your eyes".  OH Please God!  Just let him treat me like a chicken and simply wring my neck: it would be SO much better!  Now I'm hurlin' and twirlin' and he says "time us for 2 minutes Ken, will you?" US??  US?? I know doc this is SO painful for you!!  AND that is the Canabalistic Retrofitting of the Pancakes you ate in 1912. (CRP)
Now, Mrs. Colpitts I'll see you in a week.  mmmmm I wonder if I can get on the head transplant list and have it done in 4 days???        
Oh LINDA I'm so sorry I laughed!! Forgive me!!!