Life can make you bitter............or better. I've spent the past 9+ years working on the better part. I thought it was a good goal and actually was so busy maintaining my sanity that I've not thought about others. The past 10 days have made me so glad I chose this path. I feel such pity for many of the people that are Lucky's friends. They have chosen to allow what life has thrown to them and to it make them negative people. Dwelling on the negative; remaining enraged; adopting a "get them before they get you" persona and "what can YOU do for me" attitude creates a shell of a person. Life creates pain; put your big girl panties on and deal with it. Acknowledging what's happened to you is just half the battle. Feeling the pain is how we get THROUGH it; denying it allows the inner you to fester and get infected and lies and half-truths becomes acceptable and another reality is created for you. If you allow yourself to associate with "viral" infected people the virus just grows and spreads. If you allow what others say about you to guide you in life you are unknowingly giving them the power over whether you have a good day or not. Thank you Jocelin for beating that into my head 20 years ago.
As Lucky loses the battle with cancer we have been watchers on the sidelines as her friends visit. The message many THOUGHT was being sent is NOT the message we have received. Lucky has few true friends; but she has dozens that give lip service and dishonor the term "friend". I brought the External Hard Drive up Monday night and encouraged Mona to look at the pictures of their lives. I have digitized them but gave the hard pictures to Lucky a couple of years ago. Bursts of "Oh no - look at those faces we were so broken in Texas; the look in our eyes is awful....then to oh Lucky - do you remember.....; Nina come look at this smile......Oh I had forgotten how MANY good times we had........Look at those smiles; Ohhh she DID have time with......; she DID love..... Oh Lucky the pictures don't lie we did have fun..." washed over the room. When darkness is confronted by lightness most times the darkness turns and flees. And they fled - early.
By all means let us cling to the negative. An article about the bike race through Old Colorado City and an interview with Nina and Charles of We3 The Store for the Curious vs the tattoo shop close to them in Monday's Gazette definitely describes the half/full; half empty glass. The tattoo parlor rejoiced in the people knowing that even if the crowd didn't buy a % of them will remember the store and possibly come back. Psychic Nina/Charles of We3 was just pissed for the inconvenience and said so in the paper. None will come to OUR store; then insulted the biking crowd in the process. I so PITY these people and that will REALLY piss them off. We are tolerated here because they think we have money to give Nina. WE on the other had have done our research; have ferreted out the half-lies and are fully aware of what is being attempted. Nina's philosophy was "Chuckle them along; they've said there is a LITTLE money and if I can get my hands on it" type of thing.
We weren't born yesterday and have put at least one business (the mortuary) on alert we won't tolerate deception; tell the truth or I'll bury your 4 generation business; you will no longer do business with the Human Services of Colorado. You do NOT screw with them. The subtle message we sent to them shaped them right up and I am convinced we will get truthful answers from now on. After all we MIGHT be giving the funeral home money. Stay silent; sit and listen; sift the lies; look for logical progressions and note when different versions of the truth are served up to others. When your life is half-truths, manipulation and I want your money - jubilant phrases such as "I've got her credit card number now" (referring to an older woman in town) using the brain God gave you makes finding the crap easily. If it smells like....it surely is ....
I am totally back in ME mode (mentally put on the red power suit) at this point and planning the next strike to try and protect other unsuspecting senior folks - better business bureau???; chamber of commerce??? the bank they trade at??? don't know but gonna find out........it brings back memories of the scammers that went after Aunt Della and her money years ago.
And don't even go to the psychic, etc. crap which is a scam to get money. (It only works if you believe in it. We don't and MY GOD is ready for those people. Bring it on!!) We sat and watched and just kept our mouths shut.......(yes all THREE of us) and listened. My library book ear bud (not turned on) was a great diversion and Mona sleeps with her eyes open (born with ptosis, had surgery) and Dad just sat there and became invisible. Of course he and I are very aware that many people think he is brain damaged and not quit with it after the accident. He IS; but it wasn't in the stupid part of his brain.
Why didn't Dad ever call HER? Because she asked him not to; that him calling sometimes made life miserable for her at home. He respected her request. When she called to tell him of her cancer she asked him NOT to come until she asked for him. We've been told "she wants to be alone; don't hover" leave her alone......................... This didn't line up to what was coming from Lucky's own lips "Are you coming back? Yes. OK".
She has been unresponsive for many hours now and her body is quickly changing, working very hard to maintain but is losing the battle. She no longer has the strength to speak. It has been such a privilege to pass the nights with her. Actually our work seems to be about done and the darkness surrounding us is wearing us out. Surely reality will set in on Nina soon - the "we said our goodbys weeks ago" - is merely justification on her part.
My prayer??? That in spite of the outward appearances and the new age/black magic crap Lucky maintained her faith. I don't know how........ The answer?? I won't know til I get there.
Mona needs some closure. In the morning when Ken gets here I'm going to ask the Hospice Director for private time with Lucky just us.......to tell her goodbye.........something totally for us. It's time for a nap.
