Jul 8, 2011

Keep your head and your mouth shut.....CAN I do that?

DISCLAIMER: This began as a simple account and I think ended up being a small rant.  Don't feel bad you can bypass this posting.  

Well it's going to be a firecracker summer!  :)  I'll just keep keeping on with my SW, my mouth shut and my opinions to myself.  Yeah, right like that's gonna happen.
We spent two years in Houston in 1975 & 6 in a court battle over children - two girls Mona and Lucky.  After a 2 week jury trial Ken was awarded custody and we headed back to Oregon with them.  Back then "counseling" was named social work. We met a couple of times with the social worker got his blessing and went about our rat killing.    We did the best for the time we were in and actually there isn't much we would change.
Why did he get custody?  Our attorney proved through professional testimony that the ex-wife was delibertly turning Mona (age8) against her father (brain-washing) - an automatic change of custody.  The younger one, Lucky had been abused every way you can think of: emotional, physical, sexual, and her mother used her as a way to take her frustrations out on.  Lucky was a good victim and learned early that ANY attention is good.  Lucky was the scapegoat; Mona was the anointed one and could do no wrong.They both had been assured Ken would molest them so I became the main disciplinarian - one of the few regrest we have. Mona was raising her younger sister.  Their mother's rights were striped from her and given to her mother, their maternal grandmother.  December 26, 1980 we liquidated our business and moved to Gillette, WY.   The girls were finally at their grade level in school.  I home schooled them every summer in order to maintain and catch up.  In Gillette their were able to realize that.
Mona was a beautiful girl with a bubbly outgoing personality.  I became the hated step-mother to her and she spent much time "badmouthing" me to anyone that would listen.  sigh!  She married at 16 to a wonderful guy that was totally clueless - bless his North Dakotan little heart.  They had two boys.  I was pregnant at the same time as Mona two different times so we had a herd. (another story, sigh).  She bore out the adage that young girls shouldn't marry early.  Her children were being raised much the same as her; Erick was the poster child and Mykel was the scapegoat.  Kevin divorced her and with Ken's help retained custody of the boys.  Mona was not living a good life.  After one particularly bad incident (a wronged wife beat her up), Mona packed a few paper sacks and went to her birth mother in Texas.  We've only seen her a few times since then.  After a couple of visitations with Mona the boys have two very different outlooks on their mother: Erick can't abide her.  His step-mother Lori adopted them in the 90's.  From his perspective she doesn't exist.  Mykel (now Mike) has search for his "mommy" (only he knows who/what that is) from the time she left.  She is wonderful in his eyes.  He has developed a relationship with her and has visited with her a few times.
The bottom line - she's moving back to Gillette with her husband Mike and living with Mike and Rachel.  Fortunately Rachel has put a time limit on it - 30 days.  My prayer is that she isn't playing games any longer (although she still was in 2002 during our crisis). However they don't have a vehicle so Mike is going to Colorado Springs to pick them up................which brings up the other shoe...............Lucky.

Lucky- - -poor Lucky.  She has spent her life looking for her Daddy.  The Ward Cleaver type along with other descriptions.  Needless to say Ken has NEVER and won't EVER meet up to her expectations.  And it a shame.  When Lucky was in the 8th Grade she began trying to commit suicide by various means knives, drugs, razor blades.  By then we were hep on counseling and began a round of counseling that ended with her being able to manipulate the system.  Then she began having babies.  However, ultimately she was shown (by her 3 year old son) that she wasn't cut out to raise kids so she gave them up for adoption, had her tubes tied and began to live a gay lifestyle. She lives with Nina in Colorado Springs, has survived breast cancer for 5 years, has friends and family there and likes her life.  I'm glad she deserves; BUT this time she may not be able to finagle her way out.  She is currently being tested for pancratic/liver cancer.  It's possible she will spend her last years trying to live after spending years trying to die.
So how is Mona/Mike getting to Colorado Springs?  With Frances and her husband. Lucky isn't very happy about being "dropped in on" by her mom/sister, but come they will. (or so she says).  I am SO glad I won't be around for this reunion.  I just can't see those two women getting along very well with Nina/the wife.
Now how does all this make me feel?  I spent 19 years giving my heart, sole and feelings to these two children I fell in love with the first time I saw them.  I vowed to give them a chance at a different life.  I did that.  However sometimes love can be stomped on so much that indifference surfaces.  I'm at that point. I was the wicked step-mother; I did the best I could.
I AM concerned about Erick and Mike.  I know there is more to the story about the visit to Texas than Erick is telling and that is ok.  But Mona better tread lightly where he is concerned.  If she ever has a small chance of him being in the same room with her; she better tread lightly.  And then there is Mike.  He is married to a beautiful Rachel with two cute little children.  I don't want this to mess up their life.  Rachel is one of the best things to happen to Mike.  So I shall pray for them.  I have no desire to get in the middle.  No I really don't.  Well unless............NO I'm stayin' out of it.  And she better not be crappie to Lori either!!  Darnit!  And she better watch it where Whit is concerned.  I didn't realize what emotions Mona caused in Casper at the hospital toward Whit.  Hmmm!  Crap!  Where's my weaving, where's my weaving. sigh! 

3 comments:

nomadmartins said...

This about sums it up....OMG!

Linda/Newell Zeller said...

Hey Girl...... Along this line, I'm reading Debbie MacComber's book "Summer on Blossom Street" in which there is a knitting class called "Knit to Quit." Some are trying to quit smoking, some eating, and one a relationship - so my friend continue to SW and forgive!! Let it Go......Let God! Maybe, just maybe, I'll have to do the SW too (smile)! That's not a committment........just a thought!! Thinking of you always!! Linda Z

Wyn said...

There are times when keeping your mouth shut is highly overrated! If people start messing with the minds of the people who are on a good track, support keeping the crap out of their lives is a good thing. And you not only did the best you could, your best was better than anybody else could have done. Sometimes we have to know that not the best effort in the world will have the result we want, and that effort counts to the Universe. Bless you guys, hang in there!